topum (topum) wrote,

Life lessons again

I feel like it is time to share some of my wisdom with the world again. Actually, it is an urgent edition. I'll get straight to it because every minute you are not aware of this might turn into the minute that ruined your life forever. So here it is, people: if you are ever in a situation where there is a chance that you might come in contact with Moldovan lawyers, RUN! Run like a bitch. Run like you never ran before. And scream. You have to run like the fate of the world depends on it. You'll thank me later.

And I mean any chance of facing Moldovan lawyers, however small. For example, imagine that you are in a queue at a supermarket and you hear that someone in front of you mentions "Moldovan lawyer" on the phone. Here is what you absolutely must do:

1. Immediately push your trolley into the people ahead of you as hard as you can and go "Aaaaaaaargh!" as loud as you can;
2. Kick everyone who is still standing in front of you in the balls and push them to the ground (keep that "Aaaaarrrgh!" going strong);
3. Jump over the heap of bodies and trolleys in front of you and punch out the cashier on the way;
4. Don't look back and don't look for the exit, just take a trolley and run it into the nearest window to break it (don't worry about getting cut by all that falling glass, that is nothing compared to having to work with Moldovan lawyers);
5. Once you are out, just run and scream. Run as fast as you can and for as long as you can. Run until you pass out and hope that you will just get hit by a bus sometime very soon.

You have to trust me people, this is the only way. We spent four hours in meetings with Moldovan lawyers today and I feel like I had an orgy with chaos and entropy themselves while staring into the abyss of complete darkness with a cold and loveless black hole behind me. I guess, the lawyers are not to blame for this, they inherited a messy post-Soviet system that is "being reformed", but man...
Tags: lifelessons, wisdom
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