Art, penis fencing and blowjobs

We went to Trogir for dinner and to visit their Christmas Market with the kid. One of the local artists had some of his works on display in front of his workshop. This caught my eye:

Ok, what do you think is going here, gang? I would have asked the artist but his workshop was closed and he wasn't there:

Some of his brushes and paints are outside as well just like some of his paintings:

Here is another one:

Tarot is out, Google is in

We had two couples over for dinner today, one German-American and the other one local and the local couple told us that their teenage daughters used Google for fortune-telling (Tarot is for old people apparently).

This is how it works, you put your name and the name of the girl or boy you like or are dating (with "and" in-between, for example, "Bjorn and Helga") into Google, hit search and go to images (obviously). The first image that the search throws out at you is your destiny as a couple. The best thing to get is the picture of a couple (the more in love the better), it means that you will get together with your crush or will stay happily together with whoever you are dating. If you get a picture of a single guy or girl that means that the guy or the girl (respectively) in the couple will get dumped by the other side of the couple.

Obviously, I did it for all of us right there (and it was the first time I was involved in any kind of fortune-telling).

This is what I got for Helga and I:

Not just one kissing couple in love but two of them. What could that mean? Will we divorce and re-marry? Will we go poly? Or will our relationship just be twice as strong as a usual loving relationship is? Also, will I go bald? Nobody in my family does. You see Google alone is not enough, you still need a human to invent some bs around the results.

Anyway, the German-American couple are "Alex and Sofia" and I got this for them:

Whoa! So Sofia will get dumped by Alex. Twice? Or she will get dumped by Alex and come out as a lesbian? Or maybe Alex will come out as trans? Again, Google is not enough.

The local couple are "Marin and Kata" and they got this:

Well, I think this one is pretty clear, Marin will dump Kata and she will get a boob job (and very drunk). On the second thought, you still get a man in the picture but it doesn't look like he and the woman are a couple, not sure how that could be interpreted.

Come on people, do yourselves now and tell us what you got (and what you think it means). Let's go full teenage girls mode, you know you want to. If you are single, just pick someone you fancy. For example, "John and Adriana" (as in Adriana Lima).

PS: Btw, this is what I got for "Bjorn and Adriana":

So on top of having a lot of love with Helga, I will also marry Adriana Lima (and we will become the founders of a pop supergroup). Wow. I'll pass on all of that though if it means that I have to get that haircut and wear that tie even once.

My wife is awesome

I enjoy most food and I very rarely get a craving for a particular thing. Usually, I do not care much what it is as long as there is enough of it (my "enough" = "A LOT" for most people). But today in the morning I really missed babaganoush without the tahini like I used to have in Istanbul all the time (and a Moldovan version of it in Moldova) and I mentioned it in passing at breakfast. Then I left for a couple of meetings in Zadar. When I drove back home in the evening, I had a huge plate of babaganoush without the tahini exactly like I used to have in Istanbul with some pita bread waiting for me. Helga made it and it was so bloody good, smokey aubergines and all. My wife is awesome.

Don't trust your first impression

For a second I thought that this woman went a bit overboard showing her respect for her man:

But actually, she was exploiting him and bossing him around.

She demanded his camera after every shot and after looking unimpressed and shaking her head made him do it again:

And it went on and on.

I just imagined her crawling in the position she is doing in the second shot really fast while remaining fully horizontal and just above the ground like some human spider crocodile. That would have been pretty cool.

Dick heroes

Finally the "meanwhile in Russia" shit worth our attention gang (you know you can always count on me to pick the stuff worth knowing). The doctors in Saint Petersburg had to cut some dude's belly open to take this out of his ass:

He pushed it all in but could not get it out. After they cut the dude up from the front and took the dick out, they called a huge crowd of their colleagues into the operating theatre while the dude was still out under general anesthesia, laughed, made selfies with the dick and posted them on their social media. They later got fired for it.

The important thing I have to say about this is that I respect this dude's commitment and he does deserve praise as far as I am concerned. I have met women who had a huge problem with this (see here). To the point where they were super categoric upfront "if you are over 9 inches, I am out, there is no point in meeting even" before the first date. Now that's just lazy let alone probably discriminatory (it's gotta be at the age when even genital preferences are transphobic and discriminatory).

And let's also remember this American hero here:

This 19-year-old boy from Chicago sucked off his 10-inch neighbour and ended up with a ruptured airway (but he still finished the job). His mom had to bring him to the hospital and he was a bit shy at first to tell the doctors how he got the injury in front of his mum (awww).

Now that's not lazy. That's commitment. And that deserves praise.

Where is the G spot?

In case anyone is looking for it, I found it. Turns out it is in Split and I bet it doesn't look like you imagined. Here it is:

Thoughts, guys?

PS: I jumped up and down on it a couple of times. Nothing happened.

Merry Christmas to me

Christmas comes early this year, at least for me. I will be going to Vegas in less than two weeks for the UFC 245 on 14th December. Two of my brothers will be there as well and I will fly back to Spain right after the event.

Colby Covington will be taking on the reigning welterweight champion Kamaru Usman in the main event. Colby is very MAGA (see that hat at the face off?) and he talks a lot of shit too.

He also hangs out with Eric and Donald Jr Trumps and he visited Donald Trump at the White House after he won the interim belt, which he brought and placed on Donald Trump's desk.

So on top of the excellent fight itself, there is a lot of shit-talking and drama around it too, which brings in the casual fans and makes the event bigger. Many people are pissed off at Colby and want to see him destroyed. I don't care about anything except the fight itself and just want the best man to win.

We are getting one more kid for the holidays

One of my brothers has seven children. His family holidays are basically an expensive hassle. The party he usually needs to fly is actually closer to twelve people in total. This year he and his wife will just redistribute most of the kids to us (his brothers) and our parents and will have a light and easy holiday with just the youngest kids for a change. Helga and I are taking my niece Freja to Spain with us. Freja is 13 but she is one of those kids who are kinda scary because they have the maturity of someone twice their age. That includes the books she reads. Freja developed a special bond with Helga, they love the same things and love spending time together. I won't join them for most of that stuff that they like to do but I will be teaching Freja how to punch and elbow people in the face instead.