The suspense is over

CNN: "Taliban announce hardline government".

Seriously? No way! Taliban? Hardline government? So not a representative inclusive progressive liberal government then? Wow. So glad that we now have clarity on this and so very sorry it did not go our way. Because it was a toss up right up till the last moment, could have gone either way but they went hardline in the end. The Taliban were keeping it so vague for the last twenty years, nobody knew what to expect. What a cliffhanger this one was.

Fucked up by COVID

A couple of people I know complitely lost their minds because of COVID. All in different (and in some cases even opposite) ways but all equally bad.

One dude is so terrified of getting COVID that he barricaded himself inside his house where he spends most of his time chewing zinc tablets in a gas mask in a bathtub filled with disinfectant. One girl gets vaccinated every week (I think she somehow got most of the vaccines available at the moment) and spends most of her time raging at the people who do not want to get vaccinated (they are "killing her") and demands them to be shot dead immediately or at least fired. She also says that they are all racist (well, obviously). It is so bad that she cut off all ties with some of her family because they do not want to get vaccinated 120 times an hour. Another guy is going to all the protests against the lockdowns convinced that there is no COVID and that the vaccines are just a conspiracy between the elites and "Big Pharma" to make money or control the people or reduce the population or something. China also plays a huge role in how he sees it but I could not quite understand how exactly (if there is no COVID then why be pissed off at China?). There is also something about ivermectin but you guys know how short my attention span is, so I got bored by then and stopped listening.

These extreme reactions are quite out of character and came as a great surprise to me. None of these people had COVID or any side effects from the vaccines but they still got way more fucked up by COVID than anyone I know who actually had COVID. Most COVID-related damage among the people I know comes in the form of total insanity and all of it is among the people who did not actually have COVID. Everyone I know who actually had COVID is totally fine. Go figure.

The great mystery of past lives

Did you notice that whenever you meet someone who "remembers their past lives", they always were high priests in some Exoticotamia or Empress Cleopatra in those past lives? None of them were Karens or Teds from some Walmart in Poughkeepsie.

It is a real mystery why no Ted or Karen from Poughkeepsie ever remember their Poughkeepsie lives in their next lives. It is also strange that there are more former "High Priests of Mesopotamia" walking around now than there were people in Mesopotamia at the time they all were high priests there.

The first thing I would change

The first thing I would change about how we run ourselves is strict term limits for all elected politicians. No life-long politicians of any kind whatsoever. You can do one 4-year term in your life as an elected politician and then you have to go back to the life you had before that and get on with it. You can do a second term if elected but if you choose to run for the second term, you absolutely cannot campaign, the work you have done during your first term should speak for you so that only exceptional people get elected for the second term.

No life-long offices. No jumping from state to state or from one office to another. No career politicians whatsoever. You should not be able to plan to live your life solely off your political career.

Good times

Helga made cinnamon buns. I took a whole tray of freshly-baked buns and the kid and I sat side-by-side and ate them all while watching Team Great Britain (Tom Daley and Matty Lee) snatch gold from the favourites, the dominant Team China in a razor-thin victory in men's synchronized 10m platform diving in Tokyo. Awesome time all around. Russia was left behind by both the UK and China in a distant third place. And then in the evening the kid wanted to run to the lake to dive off the wooden pier of course. I took him to the lake and he dived a lot both off the pier and off my shoulders. We did synchronized off the pier as well of course. We are not quite as good as Daley and Lee but we had a lot of fun.

I told you guys that we got this!

Yay! The State Department has called on the Taliban to form an “inclusive and representative government.” Yaaaaaay!!!!

I am so glad that this crisis is solved, you guys! I am even willing to overlook the tiny mistake of spending the last twenty years and a trillion bucks in Afghanistan (and all those dead people) when all that the West had to do was just ask! They say that genius solutions are always super simple and now I see that it is true. It took us a while to find this one, but we did it! Never underestimate the power of "please" guys. Never. It can sometimes cost you lives, twenty years and a trillion bucks.

PS: Meanwhile the UN reports that the Taliban step up their hunt for collaborators. Eyeroll. They are rounding them up to include them in their representative and inclusive government as we asked them to, you fools!

We got this

I see so many people gloating about the West's utter and complete failure and humiliation on all counts in Afghanistan (as well as in Iraq and Libya, well pretty much everywhere we went, usually based on lies, to make things better).

But those fools underestimate us and we will have the last laugh of course. They will not know what hit them when we get our multimillionaire reality TV stars and other celebrities record an inspirational zoom video from their mansions urging the Taliban to do good things and to not do bad things. And that's not all, there will be a song as well.

And then to leave the enemy no chance whatsoever, we will bring out the big guns, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry and they will lecture the Taliban until those fighters get so bored that they will hang themselves just to stop being lectured by Meghan and Harry (would take me about 11 seconds, I wonder how long the Taliban will last).

All I have to say for now

I think there are more people in our garden then in Wembley and I only have a second to post, so all I have to say for now is:


Come on England!

PS: The kid painted Saint George's Cross on his face with a ballpoint pen. Three boys here did it, he is the youngest of them. All three could not be happier about it. We will deal with it later.

Goldman Sachs says England is probably going to win Euro 2020

My dear Goldman had England as the favorite and us as the underdog with Italy and Spain in between. And they have England beating us 2-1 tonight. But they did get yesterday wrong, they had Spain beating Italy 2-1.

According to Goldman’s probability model, England now has a 57.7% chance of reaching the final and a 31.9% chance of winning the tournament. Spain is at 54.6% and 24.6%, respectively, while Italy’s chances sit at 45% to reach the final and 22.4% to win.

Denmark retains their underdog status, at 42.3% to reach the final and 21.1% to win.

The model expects England to beat Denmark 2-1, which would mean England goalkeeper Jordan Pickford finally conceding his first goal of the tournament, while Spain are projected to beat Italy 2-1 in extra-time.

The model draws on data from around 6,000 matches played since 1980, taking into account a range of factors, including squad strength, recent form, match location and major tournament performances.

In other news:

Denmark's own goal! Danish fans' fury as the country's Crown Princess Mary and her son are allowed to jet in for England game thanks to UEFA deal allowing VIPs to skip quarantine - while ordinary supporters are BANNED from travelling to UK

England face Denmark tomorrow in the much-anticipated Euro 2020 semi-final match at Wembley Stadium

- Crown Princess Mary of Denmark and other members of Denmark's royal family will be in attendance
- They will be skipping UK quarantine rules under deal struck with British Government and UEFA
- Danish press is up in arms because millions of Danish football fans are forced to watch game at home

We are all set up for tonight, our garden will be full of people, including a bunch of Brits.

Come on, Denmark!